Troll-Feeding and You

by baldilocks

I was just thinking about trolls; rather fondly, in fact. There are very few on my Facebook page, because I run a tight ship there. I don’t want my parents, nieces and nephews rushing in to defend me when some imbecile insults me, so, while my page is set for anyone to read, I keep my comment settings so that non-friends are barred from engagement. (I do have at least one mouthy cousin, but he’s a big boy and can take care of himself. Plus, he’s funny.)

Here at DTGB, comments must be approved, and I imagine that they are culled by the Boss, so trolls aren’t much of a factor for Da Magnificent offerings.

However, I get trolls in my Twitter timeline now and then – usually black leftists — and I handle them.

A lady who follows me over there marveled at how I’m able to get under the skin of trolls and own them so quickly and easily. Simple: I learned to do it through years of practice at my first blog.

Over the fifteen years that I have blathered online, here’s what I discovered about trolls:

  1. Always have fun when you’re feeding trolls. Picture yourself as an apex predator playing with her food before consuming it. I’ve been known to say that I love trolls because they go well with onions, garlic, peppers and seasoning. Red wine vinegar is the key, however. Trolls feed you.
  2. Never get angry or offended at what a troll says. Remember that they don’t know you. They barely know themselves.
  3. It bears repeating: trolls feed you. Look for inconsistencies in troll comments and exploit them. Trolls are stupid and, therefore, will always provide you with your own rhetorical ammunition. They can’t help it; it’s in their nature.
  4. Never block them because they have another use: attracting eyeballs. If you can handle them well and with some humor, the Popcorn Factor applies.
  5. Possessing a mean streak helps.

Remember this about much of the Internet: it is populated with people who not only have not figured out how to analyze information but see absolutely no value in analysis. They just want to try to make you — or anyone else — look as stupid as they have felt during the bulk of their lives. But, generally, they are poorly armed.

There is a downside to engaging them even for sport, however: sometimes owned trolls don’t know when to quit. But there’s a downside to everything in this world.

I believe in being a Happy Warrior; for that, it’s necessary to sharpen your spear and engaging in target practice.

Good hunting and bon appétit!

Juliette Akinyi Ochieng has been blogging since 2003 as baldilocks. Her older blog is here.  She published her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game in 2012. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Gab.

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