Thorn In My Mind

“So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

2 Corinthians 12:7-9

It’s been a rough decade. I’ve buried both my mother and oldest brother. I’ve held seven different jobs, four of which I was “asked” to leave in order to cover for the arrogant ineptitude of my alleged superiors and once because even though the location I was at was a money making machine, the parent corporation failed. I’m currently making a shade less than half of what I was at the beginning of the decade. Yes, there are an awful lot of “I”’s in the above, but they have all happened to me so pardon the self-centeredness of my mini-rant. Add to this the constant battles with the depression monster, and you get the picture. It may not be due to the lust, the flesh, the eyes, and the pride of life although I am certainly a sinner with my main one being the inability to confess I am indeed one. Still, it has drained the life right out of me.

Last week I spoke about this with a longtime dear friend. She provided me with some valuable tools to use against the depression monster so that I could resume activity in life areas I had been letting slide for years. Like blogging. Or making new episodes of my little Internet radio show. Or playing guitar with a purpose. Or spending far less time yelling at God for the perceived unfairness of it all and more time reacquainting myself with the Man of Sorrows.

It hasn’t been easy; there have been more than a few stumbles along the way. But I’m trying to return to life.

If you are struggling, don’t quit. Seek God even when it seems He has been on an extended smoke break for the past ten years. He will take you back and take you in. Christ remains the Man of Sorrows. He understands when you’re fighting a thorn in the mind that simultaneously reminds us of our desperate need for Him and drive us away from Him. Just don’t quit.